Taking a personal inventory was a challenge for me because I loved to play the part of the “Innocent Victim!” I was unable to see what part I played in most situations. With the help of my Sponsor, he showed me my culpability when I could not, or would not.
I remember a situation where I was so sure that I was right. When I spoke with my Sponsor about it, he said I was “Dead Wrong!” I had to write a letter of apology. He helped by saying, “It takes a very big man to admit when he is wrong!” I am striving for spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.
Doing thorough 4th and 5th Steps have helped me see if it was “me or them”? If it was me, then I could remedy the situation promptly even though there were times where I dragged my feet. I paid for my procrastination with emotional pain because “I knew what I had to do”! If it was them, then I did not need to react to their antics. I could “Live and Let Live”.
This step does not say anything about “ya butt”. The only butt I got is the one I sit on! I am here to clean my side of the street! Also, as soon as I admit my mistake, the war is over. There is nothing much else to argue about.
When I have made mistakes in my sobriety, this Step has been an excellent tool for me to deal with it, learn from it and then carry on. Reading page 86 at the beginning of the day has proved invaluable! “On awakening…..…”, is an excellent daily read for my new Spiritual journey.
“It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”
A.A. offers many tools to have a “Good Day Today”, if I choose! Going on a Retreat was a real Spiritual High for me! Practicing one “Just For Today” each day. Asking myself questions like: H.A.L.T. – Am I Hungry – Angry – Lonely – or Tired? Or, “What is not going my way today?” My Sponsor taught me that people never have and never will do what I want them to! They are not the ones who must change, it is me!
In A.A. I have learned how to take the “High Road” in all situations. To not press “send” for 24 hours. How to say “Yes” to life and give it a try. That it is okay to feel and I am allowed to be me.